I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
