She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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