True but thats because hes a fetus.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
