Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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