they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
