the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
