I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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