Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
