I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
