I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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