how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
