Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
