When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
