my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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