Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
