i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
