She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
