In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
