Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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