guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
