You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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