Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
