Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
