Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
