grandma shit on top of the toilet
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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