So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
