Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
