u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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