just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Randomize