Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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