Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize