You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
