What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
