I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
