I can't breathe out the right side of my face
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
