apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
