I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
God, I missed his penis.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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