If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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