when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
