It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
