In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
