i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
