I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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