Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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