i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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