my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
