Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
