So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
How's work?
Spinning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
