I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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