Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
