Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
