just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
