i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
