I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
