by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
