Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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