I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
