mondays should just be called national damage control day
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
