she looked like the bat from fern gully.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
