im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
