then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
