you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
