True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
