Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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