Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
