Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
