You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
