I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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